diane
I am writing Duncan/Methos fic. Up to chapter five, right now. Being beta read by tarsh, shrew, and Amand-r. Thanks to all. This is a snippet from probably chapter 6.It might be seriously disturbing to some. Warning. Violence and pain.
Methosmuse
And, me, being embarrassed out of my mind. But I have been UP ALL NIGHT (for several nights) with these women who have dragged me kicking and screaming into what the events of past chapters mean to me.diane
Any questions will be cheerfully answered. Thanks.NOTE AGAIN. THIS COULD BE VERY DISTURBING
letter follows from Methos to tarsh and shrew:
hey, tarsh it's late and i am hurting and I know I am the methosmonster. I really, really, really didn't want to kill silas. I am not being manipulative, I don't think. Not now. Duncan is asleep. He thinks I'm sleeping, too, diane almost never sleeps, not easily, and she has let me take over for now. My heart is hurting. I know I was a monster. Guess, I still am one. But I do love duncan. And I love you, girl. But I loved Silas and I killed him. He gave me not much choice. Why am I awake at 4:00 am? I did love Kronos. There was a morning in August that we woke in the sunshine and he nuzzled my throat and laughed like a child of summer and then pulled me to my feet and took me to gather wild flowers. He braided them and wound them round my neck and he laughed and hugged me and threw me down on the meadow and stripped me and took me in his mouth and, oh, tarsh, he loved me. Shrew, you woke all these memories. All these long ago memories of when I was happy and so in love and felt so safe. I thought he would protect me forever. Never knew the Horsemen were in our future. Just knew he loved me and wanted me as no one ever had wanted me, loved me, needed me before. His eyes were blue with sky and green with grass, as we tumbled over and around each other, and glowing. At me. To me. With me. For me. Sorry. I had to go throw up. Remembering him beating me. Breaking me. Later. When I screwed it up. When his eyes had turned to ice and stone. Yes, I know. You say I didn't screw it up. It was not my fault. Yes. So, you keep telling me. You and shrew. Telling me and telling me. I can't help it that I don't listen very well. I ache everywhere. I know, I suppose, that I won't make Duncan want to beat me. I just want him to. I do survive. I always survive. I will always survive. I might even win the fucking prize. I don't want it. I want Duncan. I am so very tired. //Methos!!!!?// Oh, I didn't mean to wake him up. yes, duncan //are you awake?// no, idiot, I am sleep-walking //Come here. Now// I am curling up in his arms. I am swallowing my tears. I am trying to feel safe. There is no safety. And I have been a monster for three thousand years. Yes, tarsh, I know. You keep trying to tell me that I stopped being a monster long, long ago. oh, hell, I think he just read my mind, and he has just smacked my butt so hard that I screamed aloud //let it go and stop beating yourself up or I'll wake up and spank you so hard that you'll cry yourself to sleep// oh, that sounds good. The thought sounds so good that I can almost use it. I think I could even sleep on that thought. Duncan, I really don't want to be a bother, but would you, please? He's laughing. He's grabbing me and he's tearing my pants off. I don't think he's gonna spank me. I think we're gonna make love. Yes. I am gonna lose it now in about 15 seconds, but before I do, can you help me remember, he loves me. He is not Kronos. He loves me. And I deserve to be loved. I think. Do I? As wet salt runs downs my face and I implode, dissolve, melt, and meld to his hot need.
send a note to Diane and/or Methos at dswdiane@aol.com
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